Saturday 27 September 2008

Sex Pistols, Never Mind The Bollocks (1977, Virgin)


If there's one revolution the Pistols kickstarted, it was the idea that anything shocking - no matter how dumb, vacant, or closer to the lowest common denominator - is going to generate cash.

The Sex Pistols are routinely cited as one of the greatest bands in history, along with their debut (and only) album Never Mind the Bollocks. The truth is the Pistols had nothing to do with music or youth culture. They were simply one of the greatest marketing operations of all time, whose rise to fame was made immensely easier by the shockingly backward state of 1977's society. What better marketing tool, in fact, then headlines everywhere about this ugly, loud, "dangerous" new band that has been banned from the BBC?

But if there's one revolution the Pistols kickstarted, it was the idea that anything shocking - no matter how dumb, vacant, or closer to the lowest common denominator - is going to generate cash, and that's the harvest we're still reaping to this day with gems a-la Pete Doherty or even Jade Goody. Get your name in the paper throughout whatever stunt or nonsense, look wasted, wear the right clothes and wag that oh-so-rebellious finger and half the job's done. Nevermind your music and generation-defining 'pronouncements' are both utter shite. Not many, especially the younger generations, are aware that the Sex Pistols were the first proper 'boy band' to ever make it into the market.

Literally assembled together by Malcolm McLaren (Simon Cowell's true precursor) with the crucial help of fashion designer Vivienne Westwood (and her clothes), the Pistols -in the words of Clash bassist Paul Simonon- "had it all sewn up for them, quite literally", and ended up a glorious coincidence of casting and timing. You had the ginger singer with silly poses and mad eyes, a bassist with good hair that teenage girls would fancy and a couple of other mock-menacing punks in bondage trousers, ripped T-shirts and spiked dog collars. Add some spitting and swearing in a world where David Essex was still considered cool and you get the winning formula. The Sex Pistols were a typical tabloids' wet dream.

Just look at the publicity generated by one of the most hilarious moments in the history of British telly, the Bill Grundy interview in which the affected young clowns make the presenter's job stupidly easy. "Go on, you've got another ten seconds. Say something outrageous." "You dirty bastard". "Go on, again". "You dirty facker! You facking rotta!". If you've got a pet dog at home you may know exactly how it works.

The Pistols had none of the depth of some of their peers. When The Clash or Sham 69 were playing Rock Against Racism, the Pistols were preening around wearing swastikas and society's looks of outrage gave them exactly the attention they were craving for. In the words of McLaren himself: "I thought the fashion was much more important than the music", he said last year.

As you can see, when you talk about the Pistols, music is relegated to the smallprint. To start off, another complete myth about them is that they allegedly invented punk. You find it generally stems from those who've never heard of the Ramones, the New York Dolls and the Stooges. Which was certainly not Malcolm McLaren's case. The cunning man had obvioulsy taken note and understood that, in the UK, that enormous market potential had not yet been fully exploited.

And so, finally, to their songs, all you need to describe them is two words. Piss. And poor.
God Save The Queen is intrinsically linked to the genius picture of Elizabeth II and the safety pin through her nose. If the recording of a fart had been wrapped in that sleeve it'd have sold exactly the same way. The lyrics of Pretty Vacant are the epitome of this general nothingness: "I dont believe illusions cos too much is real/So stop your cheap comment/Cos we know what we feel/Were pretty pretty vacant/Were pretty pretty vay-cunt/And we dont care". Bodies features the career defining refrain "Fuck this and Fuck that" just in case you still harboured any doubts about what a bunch of bad boys the Pistols were. As far as Anarchy In The UK is concerned, it's just a succession of words that rhyme with UK pitched at -yawn- making it as controversial as possible. It makes you chuckle when you think how snug John Lydon looked thirty years later in I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here.

Not to mention the other commonplace about 'raw energy'. The Pistols were positively tame, both lyrically and musically, compared to most of their peers. And they had to be if they were to be the Backstreet Boys of punk and generate piles of wad.

In that respect, they most certainly succeeded.

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